During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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