i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
