bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My penis needs a shock collar
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
