i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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