Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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