Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
