kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize