My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
