Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
