the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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