I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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