Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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