i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
