Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
zippers are such a cool invention
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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