Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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