More tranny stories later!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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