I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
