If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
