I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
