I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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