How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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