The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
