It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
