Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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