he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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