can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
