Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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