She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
