I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My dick has a subreddit
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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