thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
and she was petting her beer can
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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