so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
