I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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