So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
