I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
