Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
