Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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