make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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