dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
