i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I will pee on everything he values.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
