Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
