My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
