Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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