Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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