wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
