i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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