Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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