it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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