we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
