My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
