it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize