Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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