so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Damn victory sex feels great
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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