Did I show you my penis last night?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
