im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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