Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
