We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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