I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize