Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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