you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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