We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
