OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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