i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
