I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
