dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
