So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
