mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
