dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
