My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
