Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just had sex bonerless
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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