chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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