Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
