Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
