Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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