I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
