apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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