so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
