dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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